Edamame

Why do we have to call edamame "edamame"?   Why can't we just call it what it is?  Peas.  Specifically, peas you eat while the Japanese man prepares your sushi.

Top Five Most Painful Losses in Joey History

5.  Cardinals at Dodgers.  Game 2.  NLDS 2009

Tonight

Dodgers 3 Cardinals 2

After Wainwright throws 7 near perfect innings and escapes a bases loaded jam in the 9th to deliver the game to his bull pen with a 2-1 lead and 3 outs go, the Cards lose to go down 2-0 in the series. Bottom of the 9th, Cards still led 2-1, 2 outs and Loney lined out to left.  But, Holiday missed the ball and let it hit him in the nuts.  Now the tying run is on second. But, Franklin, our all-star closer just needed to get one out.  He didn't.  Instead, the next four guys reached and the Cards lost 3-2 and are all but out of the 2009 playoffs before Busch Stadium even opened its gates.

After looking at the pitching matchups for game one and two, it was hard not to think that the cardinals would be heading home up 2-0.  Carpenter vs Wolf, Wainwright vs Kershaw.  That looks good on paper.  But, Carpenter didn't have his stuff in game one and the Cards couldn't cash in on a gem from Wainwright.  Didn't happen.

4.  USA Vs Brazil.  Final.  2009 Confederations Cup.  

6.28.09

Brazil 3  USA 2

USA was coming off arguably the biggest win in US soccer history.  Unarugably, it was one of the biggest upsets in international sporting history.  They beat Spain, a team that hadn't lost in 3 years.  Their reward was a matchup with Brazil, the world's all time power, in the championship.  No one thought we'd win.  I figured we'd lose by at least 3.  We had just lost to them 3-0  a week earlier in the same tournament.  

But, not even ten minutes in Dempsey scored.  1-0 USA.  I'm thinking, "Crazier things have happened."  Then fifteen minutes later Donovan made it 2-0 and holy hell, the United States might actually win this tournament.  

Then the half time whistle and the US still led 2-0.  

Then 46 seconds into the 2nd half, Brazil struck.  Then they scored again and the refs missed it.  US still led 2-1.  Then they scored again.  And again.  3-2.  Lightning doesn't strike twice.  The US fell short.

3.  Houston Astros at St. Louis Cardinals.  2005 NLCS Game 5 

 10.19.05

Houston Astros 5  St. Louis Cardinals 1

Just two nights after Albert Pujols single handedly ruined Brad Lidge's career as a Houston Astro, the Cardinals played their last game in the real Busch Stadium.  And they did so with hardly a  whimper.  The Cardinals mustered just four hits as Roy Oswalt completely shut them down and won himself the NLCS MVP.  It was the end of a Cardinal team that had won 100 games two years in a row and it was the end of the stadium.  

I went to the game with my friend, Vivek.  To make things worse, in the 5th inning, when the Cardinals still had just one hit, Vivek was talking about where to go after the game to drink.  Really?  We had one hit, Vivek.  Come on, you kidding me?  Priorities.  After that one I'd rather go to a game with a girl wearing a stupid pink Cardinals hat than him.    

2. Colorado Avalanche at St. Louis Blues  2001 Western Conference Finals Game 4

Colorado Avalanche 4  St. Louis Blues 3  in OT

5.16.01

The Blues fell behind 3 games to 1 and all likelihood of them making the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in my life became incredibly slim.  Of course, they did lose the next game and get eliminated.  

The Blues fell behind 3-0 in the first period.  They slowly fought back and eventually tied it in the 3rd on a goal from Scott Young.  They were controlling the game and everything looked good.  Except Patrick Roy was and will always be better than Roman Turek.  The Avs won in overtime as Roy stole the game from the Blues.

1.  Boston Red Sox at St. Louis Cardinals  2004 World Series game 3

Boston Red Sox 4  St. Louis Cardinals 1

10.26.04

The 105 win St. Louis Cardinals fell behind 3-0 to the douche bag Red Sox.  I, along with the rest of St. Louis, came to the realization that the Cardinals would be the team that the Red Sox would finally end their World Series slump against.  But, wait, it's the Red Sox.  They're cursed.  Them, if anyone, would go ahead 3-0 and blow it after coming from behind 3 games to none in the previous series, right?  Wrong.

Jeff Suppan forgot how to run the bases and that was enough for the Red Sox to pull away in the series.  They won the next night 3-0 and St. Louis went home waiting for next year, which really just turned into two years later and all was fine.

Honorable Mentions

2005 NLCS Game 4 - Astros 2 Cardinals 1

John Mabry is the slowest man alive.

2000 Wester Conference Quarter Finals Game 7 - Sharks at Blues

The President's Trophy Winning Blues got knocked out in the first round.  Owen Nolan scored from the red line.

1996 Western Conference Semi Finals Game 7 Blues at Red Wings

Yzerman scored in 2ot to eliminate the Blues and send Gretzky to the Rangers.

2002 District Finals De Smet 1 Parkway Central 0

My high school soccer career ended.

1991 Virginia 3 SLU 2 in the Final Four

Joe Clarke's team got knocked out in the final four.

Messing with people on Craigslist

I was inspired by this website http://www.dontevenreply.com/ to start messing with people on craigslist.  It's not that easy.  Usually people don't respond and when they do they usually quickly realize that I'm just messing with them.  

However, I have had a few email chains that have been successful.  This is one of those.

The ad was saying that she was willing to babysit in exchange for designer clothes and purses.  It explained that she was unemployed and had a five year old that was just starting school.  This is ridiculous for obvious reasons that I don't need to explain. 

Here you go.

Joey Clarke Jr  to sale-qcppg-138.

Sept 22

My wife and I are looking for a babysitter for next week.  Fortunately, my wife works for Prada.  She'll be able to

 tell you more about the products and what have you.  What is your availability for next week? 

Thanks,

Joe  

_________

Caren to me

Sounds good,I am free all next week. The only thing is my son goes to school at 10:45 and I get him at 2:10. Please let me know the hours and I might be able to have my son picked up from school. Thanks    

_____________

Joey to Caren

That should work fine.  Our daughter goes to school at 9:00 to 3:00.  So you can just do the drop offs/pick ups in one fell swoop.  We don't have a problem with you bringing your son over to our house as well if your husband cannot pick him up.  What in particular are you looking for in terms of products? 

______________

Careb to me

Sounds good! I am looking for a nice purses or shoes perfume stylish clothes. 

______________

*** Starting here, I set up another email address for "My wife" to get her involved with the situation.

Joey to Caren, Tina

Caren,

Sounds great.  I've included my wife on this email, so that she can see what you're looking for and possibly pick them up tomorrow at work.

Thanks,

Joe

______________

Caren to me, Tina

Ok great sounds like fun! ttyl

_______________

Tina to me, Caren

Caren,

I apologize that my husband is a moron, but lets start from the beginning.  I'd like to get to know you a little bit before I agree to let you watch our children.  I'm not sure why Joe thought he didn't need to get any references, any background information, or ask any questions whatsoever, but I'm not sure why Joe thinks a lot of things.  

So, if you don't mind.  I'd love for you to send me some references, a resume of any relevant work, and just a few paragraphs telling me about yourself.  Even answering why getting some Prada gear is so important to you would be great. JK!!  I know why!! ;)

I'm aware that you have a five year old son.  That's fantastic.  Our youngest daughter, Megan, is seven.  Then Katie is 12 and Jared is 21.  Please let me know your experience with those ages as well. I look forward to meeting with you.

Tina

______

Joey to Tina, Caren

Tina,

That's ridiculous.  You think I didn't ask her about her credintials?  That'd be something you would do and then stick it in your mouth.  

I've got all the info.

Caren,

Ignore her.  I'll go over everything that we spoke about on the phone with Tina and everything should be fine.  

Best,

Joe

_____________

Joey to Caren

Caren,

Do you mind answering Tina's questions in an email addressed just to me?  I'll never hear the end of it if she finds out that I didn't actually ask any questions.  She's a great woman, but she can really dwell on things.

Thanks for your understanding.

Joe

____________

Caren to Joe

Hello, Joe, here are some references Nancy and Jason Hawk there number is  (***)***- ****   
I babysit for them now & then
michael was my old boss I worked for him at a shoe store for 6 years his number is *** ***-**** the company name is Chic Wide Shoes.
I have a resume I just got a scanner I am hooking it up right, I will send a copy to you.
I know you said you have a 21 year old, I just want to let you know that i am 27 a really responsible 27 year old. 
I am sending a couple pictures of myself and I would be willing to meet you ahead of time.
  
I was the nanny for another five year old, I really enjoyed picking him up from school. I would have him eat a snack and due his homework first, then take him to play at the park. The same thing goes for my son. 
   I am always watching my husbands new few he is 12. I think that 12 year olds need a little more attention because they are 12 (pre-teen). 
  and I know you have a 21 year old son, what kind of care would he be needed? 
    I will get my resume to you a sap please let me know if you have any more questions and sorry for the delay.      
 
                            Sincerely,
                                          Caren Lapidus  

_________

*She also included two pictures of her with her kid here.  I'm not putting those up, but she's pretty good looking.

__________

Joey to Caren

Caren,

Thanks for just sending that to me, so it looks like I got it all earlier.  I'm glad we're on the same page.

Joe

__________

Joey to Caren, Tina

Caren,

I spoke with Tina and gave her all the information you gave me a couple of days ago.  We both agree that you make a good fit with our children.  So, consider yourself hired.

As far as Jared goes, our 21 year old, essentially you just need to make sure he doesn't leave the house.  He's finishing his last month of house arrest and for whatever reason, he doesn't think it necessary to stay inside unless someone watches him.  You also need to keep him out of the liquor cabinet and make sure to report if you smell anything funny coming from his room.  He also has a little trick where he puts a towel down at the bottom of the door to block the crack, this keeps the smell inside his room.  So, just check on that periodically.   

With Katie and Megan, it seems you have the proper experience and know exactly what to do with them.  Looking forward to it.

Thanks,

Joe

_________

Caren to Me, Tina

Tina and Joe, that sounds great! I will let you know if i suspect anything funnys going on, I look forward to meeting the booth of you and the kids. Please give me the dates and times. Thank you and I will talk to you later.                
 
                                                        Sincerely,
                                                                     Caren

________________

Tina to Me, Caren

Caren,

Cute baby!  So on Monday if you could be here at 9 AM, that would be great, and we'll start from there.  You can leave at noon when I get home from work.

_______________

Caren to Me, Tina

Sounds fun.  Whats the address?

___________________

Me to Caren, Tina

Caren,

Tina forgot.  We have a thing at five.  So you can be here from nine to noon.  Then come back around five until we get home around nine, that would be great.  

Thanks,

Joe

_____________________

Caren to Me, Tina

Ok????  You still haven't given me the address.

_____________________

Tina to Me, Caren

Caren,

We're also going to need you to come back around 2Am.  That's the normal time that Jared likes to sneak out with his friends.  If he doesn't sneak out, he'll usually try to sneak friends in.  As we both have jobs, unlike you, we'll need to be sleeping.  Thereby, it'll be better if you come by at 2AM to check on him rather than us.  

Thanks,

Tina

___________

She didn't respond to that.