An Open Letter to the Chicago Blackhawks

Dear Chicago Blackhawks,

I would have never thought I'd be so appreciative of you.  But, I'd like to openly say thank you for your contributions over the past week.   Last Wednesday, you beat the hell out of my Saint Louis Blues.  Though it was only 3-1 on the scoreboard, if you watched the game you realized it was demoralizing.  The game left the Blues two points on the outside of the playoffs with five games to go.  

If you looked at the schedule, you would realize only two teams controlled the Blues fate.  The Blues and the Blackhawks.  The Blues needed to win and have Nashville lose.  Nashville played Chicago twice in the next three games, thus Blackhawks win- Blues win.  The Blues did their job and took 5 out of 6 points, including a win in Detroit.  And, thankfully, the Blackhawks did their job and beat Nashville twice in regulation.  Now, with two games to go, The Blues have a 2 point lead in 8th place thanks to their play and the play of the Chicago Blackhawks.  

10 Year old me would be ashamed that I cheered for the Blackhawks to win a game, much less two.  17 year old me would be ashamed that I cared what happened to the Nashville Predators.  But times have changed, and it seems the Blackhawks have done the trick for their old rival and cleared the way for them into the playoffs.  

Now all the Blues have to do is win.  As for the Predators, they have to beat Detroit and hope.  So, for the first time, and probably the last time in my life- I will say thank you Chicago Blackhawks, and for one game, and one game only- Let's go Red Wings.  But, please note that while I'm okay with the Blackhawks staying alive, I'd prefer for the third period to come to an end in Detroit with the Wings on top, and then the stadium collapse killing the entire Red Wing team.  Except Datsyuk.  He's exciting to watch.

Thanks,

Joey

Big Monday of Sports

I like that the sports gods allowed for baseball to start on the same day that March Madness ended.  That was nice of them.  It allows me to continue to have more than just the Blues playoff run.  But the Blues playoff run is more important right now than baseball.  

Hopefully, the next Top Chef season will start the same day the Blues get knocked out of the playoffs.  That would really keep me together and happy.  

This is the most boring thing anyone has ever read or written.  

Board Game Movies

It  has been brought to my attention that they are making movies from the following board games:

Clue (again, that's fine)

Monopoly

Ouija Board

Candy Land

So, I've decided to take it upon myself and write the script for Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Fade In

Ext. Red Place

Four Hippos are sitting around staring at each other.  They wonder why they are not in a river in Africa. 

YELLOW HIPPO

I'm Hungry, Hungry.

GREEN HIPPO

Well, isn't that just the 

darnedest thing.  I was thinking

the same thing.

BLUE HIPPO

As for me, I Could do some

munching on a tasty treat.

PURPLE HIPPO

I Purple.

Some balls fly in from nowhere.  

GREEN HIPPO

Fantabulous, some balls!

They all munch on some balls.

Munch. Munch. Munch.

BLUE HIPPO

I love munching on these balls.

GREEN HIPPO

My balls are a bit spicy.  How

are your balls?

BLUE HIPPO

A bit salty, but at least

they are not blue.

YELLOW HIPPO

My balls are firm.  

PURPLE HIPPO

I purple.

They finish eating balls. 

GREEN HIPPO

You still hungry, hungry?

YELLOW HIPPO

No.

FADE TO BLACK.

That should save Hollywood some time.  Except to see this in a theater near you summer of 2010.  

10 Conversations To Hear

The Friday, January 30th edition of Variety feature an article in which Roger Ebert listed ten conversations between film directors he'd like to hear if he was stranded on a desert island.  

I kind of think he'd have a better chance at hearing these conversations if he was in the thick of society rather than alone on an island, but it was still an interesting article.  IT got me thinking about what ten conversations would I like to hear.  No rules, no restrictions from time periods or death, just what conversations would be the most interesting for me to hear.  Some of these wouldn't be the most important conversations in the world, they would just be interesting to me.  So here they are in no particular order of importance.

1.  Winston Churchill and Martin Luther King Jr.

On leadership and the art of the spoken word.

2. Albert Einstein and Franklin Roosevelt.

On the aftermath of Einstein's recommendation that the atomic bomb be developed.

3. Robert McNamara and Kurt Vonnegut.

On war.

4. Muhammad and Jesus.

On religion.

5. Mark Twain and F. Scott Fitzgerald.

On storytelling and youth.

6. Bobby Knight and Vince Lombardi.

On coaching and treatment of players.

7. Al Capone and Lucky Luciano.

On organized crime.

8. Thomas Jefferson and George W. Bush.

On the Presidency and Jefferson's vision of the country vs where it is today, because somehow both of these guys held the same job.

9. George Carlin and Jerry Seinfeld.

On what is comedy.

10. My mom and my dad.

On their marriage. 

These are not set in stone and reserve the right to change them as time goes on.

Things That I Used to Have That I Can't Find and Want Back

1. sweatshirt-like UNCW blanket.

My sister gave me this item.  It is surprisingly warm for it's weight.  I used to have it.  But, now I don't.  Now I am cold despite living in Southern California.   If you know of this blanket's whereabouts, please call Kelley at 214-735-2492.  She will then regift.

Thanks.

Frost/Nixon

There is a movie to be released just after Christmas titled "Frost/Nixon".  It's direced by Ron Howard and looks like it will be a good movie. 

My problem is the title.  That's the worst title ever.  It's not even a title, it's just two character's names.  It's really lazy and really stupid.

I realize there are other movies with two characters names as the title.  "Bonnie and Clyde" and "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" come to mind.  Those titles work though.  I think they work for two reasons.  1. They have interesting and not everyday names.  2.  The word "and".  

The word and makes it a title.  Using the slash in Frost/Nixon really doesn't work at all.  It's stupid.  I think at one point it was probably The untitled Frost/Nixon project.  Then they couldn't think of a title and just dropped untitled and project.  There's our title, Ron said.  Stupid idea, Ron.  Slashes have no business being in titles.  Neither do commas.  And that is why "I, Robot" is a dumb title, among other reasons.  

Are we dancer? Really?

I like The Killers.  I don't own any of their albums or know a whole lot about them.  I know they are from Vegas, but that is about it.  I don't even know how many guys are in the band.  I don't consider myself a fan, but I like them to the extent that when I hear a Killers song on the radio, I think, oh sweet.  Killers.  Then I listen to it.   

But, the song "Human" might have the dumbest lyrics in the history of music.  And on top of that, the song sucks.  

It says, "Are we human?  Or are we dancer?"  What the hell is that even attempting to mean?  It is using the adjective of human.  Fine, are we human?  Dumb question, but okay at least we know what they are asking.  Then it tries to turn dancer into an adjective.  That doesn't work.  You can say, "Don't blame him, he's only human."  You can't say, "Don't blame him, he's only dancer."  That's just stupid and has no meaning.  

You can answer the question "How would you describe that living entity?"  with "It's human", but you cannot answer it with "It's dancer."  

So, let's pretend The Killers use the word dancer in its correct form, a noun.   Thereby, they add an s at the end to make it plural.  "Are we humans?  Or are we dancers?"  Okay, it is now a sentence with correct grammar and real words.  However, it's still absolutely retarded.  Dancers are typically humans, unless it's a dancing kitten.  You don't lose the fact that you are human by simply becoming a dancer.  STUPID.  What a stupid lyric.  

"Is Bryan Boitano human?"

"No, he's ice dancer."  

Wikipedia tells me that the lyric pertains to a Hunter S. Thompson quote that America is raising a generation of dancers.  Ok.  Well, still, dancers are humans.  It's still idiotic and makes no sense even when you try to put it into the context of what the Killers were apparently going for.  

This song sucks.  Take it off the radio.