The Beatles

For better or worse, popular music today is vastly different than in 1964. I like the Beatles just fine, but if I were given the choice to listen to a new Modest Mouse album or Sgt Peppers, 4 out of 5 times, I'm going with Modest Mouse. There are plenty of other today's bands that would make me choose the same way. But, there's also a lot of today's music that I would choose the Beatles over every single time. That's because there is a lot of trash put out there today. To me, that trash is primarily made up of rap. But there is one thing that I do admire about that trash. The honesty.

Musicians today have absolutely no problem saying exactly what they want and how they're going to get it. They're brutally honest about it to the point where you go, "did they really say that?" On the other hand, the Beatles were liars. No guy in the history of mankind has looked at a girl and thought, "Hmm, I'd really like to hold her hand." No guy has ever nudged a friend, pointed at a girl across the bar and said, "Dude, I would hold her hand so hard. I bet she uses Jergens." That doesn't happen. It doesn't happen now and it didn't happen in 1964. "And please say to me, you'll let me hold your hand." Nope. That wasn't what John and Paul were thinking when they wrote those lyrics. They were lying. No guy wants to hear that. Ever.

Here's what would really happen.
Girl - "Thank you for this drink that will lower my inhibitions."
Boy - "For sure. 100%."
Girl - "I'll let you hold my hand later."
Boy- "Really?"
Girl - "Yep."
Boy - "And then..."
Girl - "What? What do you mean?"
Boy - "Right. Nice turtle neck. I'm going to talk to your friend."

Employment by Air and Sea

It has recently come to my attention that I am unemployed. In order to remedy the situation, I have sent off my resume to many companies in the entertainment field – my so called field of minor expertise-, I have driven around and dropped off resumes at all kinds of places – books stores, restaurants, grocery stores, comedy clubs, etc- and I have told people to do me a favor and hire me. But, I’m still unemployed. I am doing some freelance work to get by, but the fact remains that I am unemployed. The economy sucks and that sucks for people like me. Thus, I am seeking employment from you. Yes, you, the person who found this. Because why the hell not?

While looking at the crap shoot that is sending your resume out, I realized my piece of paper is going against hundreds if not thousands of other pieces of paper in a competeition to get me into the door. Thus, I need to send it out as many times as possible. Then it hit me. I’m only using one element to get my resume out – land. I’m not using water, air or fire. Thus, I have put my resume in a bottle and thrown it out to sea to utilize water. To conquer the air, I have tied my resume to helium balloons and let them fly. Fire seems counter productive, because if I burn my resume no one will be able to read it. I’m skipping that one.


My first attempt with the balloons failed. I let go of the balloons and they flew directly into my neighbor's house and popped. So, I went down the street and launched them from the middle of the park. They flew pretty far. They might still be going, I don't know. Then, I dropped to bottle of the end of Manhattan Beach pier. It kind of just sat around the same spot for a few minutes and I left. I don't know if it went out to sea or if its underneath the pier. Either way, I'm utilizing three of the four elements in my job search.

I will keep you updated with the results of my air and sea employment.

Words I Never Spell Correctly

This is something everyone needs to know. I use these words a lot and I never know how to spell them. I think my brain reached max capacity on spelling and these words have been left out. My fingers are trained to type them incorrectly and thus, they have squiggly red lines under them every time I use them.

Believe - spelled beleive

Belief - spelled beleif

Definitely - spelled Definitley

Guarantee - spelled Guaruantee

Best - spelled Joey

Me

Sometimes I wish I were one of you guys so I could hang out with me.

If I were another dude, I'd make me my best friend. If I were a girl, I'd date the hell out of me.

You should consider yourself lucky.

Olympic Hockey Final Four By Population

Olympic Hockey Final Four By Population

United States - 315,534,716
Canada - 34,013,000
(New York Metropolitan Area - 19,006,798)
(Los Angeles Metropolitan Area - 12,872,808)
(Chicago Metropolitan Area - 9,569,624)
(Dallas - Fort Worth - 6,300,006)
(Philadelphia Metropolitan Area -5,931,427)
(Houston Metropolitan Area - 5,728,143)
(Miami Metropolitan Area - 5,497,709)
Slovakia - 5,421,937
Finland - 5,356,300

Population of People Who Care
Canada- 900,000,000
Slovakia - 5,421,937
Finland - 5,356,300
United States - about a baker's dozen.

Changes

Today, I am Joey Version 9,295.

From Paris With Love is Stupid

"From Paris With Love" starring John Travolta hits theaters next weekend. I haven't seen the movie, but I know it's stupid for the reason that it's using other movies to sell itself. A lot of movies use other movies to sell itself, but they acknowledge that they're doing so. "From the director of "Knocked Up" comes "Funny People", or "From the people who brought you "Shaun of the Dead"... "Hot Fuzz." That's fine. "From Paris With Love" even does that by saying "From the director of "Taken." Great.

But, this stupid movie is using a James Bond title and just changing the location. Believe it or not, there are idiots that will reason that since they enjoyed "From Russia With Love", they should see this.

Secondly, in one of the trailers John Travolta says, "Every man has his vice. Mine is a Royale with cheese." The only reason anyone in America knows what a Royale with cheese is comes from what John Travolta said sixteen years ago in "Pulp Fiction". John Travolta, guns, Royale with cheese. Hmm. This movie must be as good as "Pulp Fiction". Right? Wrong.

Last, they talk about the "Karate Kid" in another one of the scenes in a trailer. Are you kidding me? Stop. Be your own movie.

Go away.

Avatar, A Two Hour and Forty Minute Condom Commercial

I like the movie almost as much as everyone else does. It looked absolutely unbelievable, it took CGI to a new level, and the colors alone made me wish I was a drug user. Overall, it's twelve dollars well spent. It did its job. I was entertained.

There was just one thing I couldn't get past- the story between Sully and Neytiri. I can't watch sex between a human and some smurf on steroids and not think it to be absolutely ridiculous, if not slightly repulsive. How is that not bestiality? Because it's not actually his body? Really? Come on. That doesn't work for me. Remember how great it felt for him to run for the first time? It was his body, just not his human body. And this body was able to make everything seem just as real as if he experienced it in his human body. So, the sex will still seem real, right?

http://www.movieline.com/2010/01/avatars-deleted-sex-scene-straight-from-the-script.php

You're telling me putting my mind inside something else allows me to sleep with anything? Not anyone, anything? Why is that not disgusting? At least since its not technically his body, there is no chance of him catching whatever diseases the blue thing might have.

Most people I've talked to are fine with it. It's not disgusting to them. I think people don't want to admit that this great spectacle of a movie has this love story that is just so incredibly stupid, they're willing to make excuses for it. These are all things I've heard.

1. "Well, every movie needs a good love story." Great. I vaguely recall Sigourney Weaver playing a human in the movie. She and Sully even hated each other in the beginning. There's an opportunity. Maybe, after sharing a bond to save this incredible planet, they overcome their hatred and fall in love. No? Instead, Sully bangs a blue thing. Which can only make me think that James Cameron decided that sleeping with Sigourney Weaver is more disgusting than sleeping with an alien. Close, but no.

2. "Sully's legs didn't work, so he liked life better in his Avatar." The key word here is legs. His legs didn't work. Lieutenant Dan didn't even have legs. Did he ever jump off the shrimping boat looking for a dolphin to take home? No. Not only is that repulsing, it's incredibly stupid to put in a movie. Good Old Dan stuck to women who tasted like cigarettes.

3. "The blue thing was kind of hot." A black lab is a beautiful animal, but if it humps my leg I'm going to kick it in the face.

4. "At least it was under that tree that looked really cool." What?

Everyone is okay with going inside your little blue suit to have sex with aliens?

Maybe if Trojan hired Cameron twenty-five years ago, there would be no AIDs because as long as you're in your avatar, you're not technically touching.